THE WAY HOME...

A cersan freshman's view on the orsem...as it come and gone.



As the orsem starts, the whole orientee crowd were a little tense. Not knowing what to expect from the long week, they were overcomed with feelings of anxiety, confusion, hesitation, and fear. Upon being briefed by the committee about costumes, bangs,claps and clangs, and sigsheets signing, they were on the verge of quitting. But they didn’t—because orsem promised them one thing that caused them to hold on: that orsem 2004 will be the way home.
“I want to be a cersan” was the inscription on the name tags. It was a phrase that entails a lot of hard work, a lot of perseverance, and many trials along the way. The freshmen at first did not seem to understand this. Some of them thought that maybe the phrase was bizarre, that they maybe had better things to do. For two straight nights, they were seated on the hot basement floor, listening to their mentors. Some felt like crying, some apprehensive. But all of the, in some way wanted to prove to all that they could do it—that they could rise above what is expected of them, thus achieving batch unity.
And during the course of their brief but tiring endeavors in orsem, the phrase “I want to be a cersan” finally gained some meaning. Somewhere along the way, the freshmen understood that indeed, if they survive this, then they’d happily be home. If they made it that far, they would finally feel that they are part of a family—a family that will nurture them, give them space to grow, let them learn from their mistakes, and best of all, a family that will love them. With this thought in mind, the freshmen fought the hardest battle of all—overcoming tiredness, hunger and fear in order to help their batchmates and do what they must.
But there is no denying that not one of these freshmen would’ve ever survived if the upperclassmen had not stepped in and offered a hand. Unknown to them, the freshmen were more than happy to have them around, to see them willing to help—to get to know them one by one. They were willing to do what is expected of them, because they believe that the upperclass deserve their best efforts. Moreover, they trust in them. They were the freshmen's family. They lead them home.
After all that has been, it was embarked in their hearts that being a cersan could be the best blessing they ever had. Its being in a place with the people your comfortable with. Its finding people who’d help you even during the middle of the night. It’s laughing with someone over even the silliest things. Its being a living testimony to the four core values. Its finding the place where you belong, where you are accepted, where you can be one in heart, in mind, in one home.
Dorm life may not be easy, but knowing that you are in your sanctuary, the place where you go home to every single day after a hard test, only to find out that you’ll find yourself smiling in the end knowing your in a place you call home is the most amazing thing to experience. Sir thatot was right—the feelings of worth, happiness and acceptance is an afterthought. Its only now that its all finally over can we feel the beautiful things that this orsem has tried to teach us. Sir thatot was right…it is a beautiful experience.
We know that even if the orsem already came to its end, our life here has just begun. As our family welcomed us into the community, we felt we were finally there—the destination point to the best times of our lives. If anything, if anything at all, we are proud to be cersans.

For all that has been and for all that will still be, upperclassmen, mentors, friends, thank you for bringing us home.

Truly, cersa is this way home….

iN LOve you leARn thiNGS yoU dont expect

By Kat Hirang
Somewhere between the lines of Lorenz’ messages, and his undying sweet gestures made Claire wanted to come right out and say it—that she now wanted to be his girl. Though of course that didn’t mean she was dead sure. She had doubts, of course but every moment with Lorenz made her happy, and that was just what she needed to be. Surprisingly though, she did not miss him on times he was away. There was no glint in her eyes, no soft music that played, no momentarily yet perfectly magical connection that ignited. It was only the two of them, his undying love for her, and her happy feeling of being with him. And that was it—only her happy feeling.
Lorenz wanted her so much. He’d talk to his sleep on nights when he’d dream of her. He’d kiss her photos and make believe that someday this girl, the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes on will someday be his. That day came.
“We’ve been like this for so long, Lorenz right?” she looked at him questioningly.
“Yes, we have, haven’t we.” He smiled. It was always enchanting to hear her voice. “But you know, just having you here makes me content—like I had nothing more to wish for.”
“What if we were more?” she asked, her face neutral.
“I’d be the happiest man in the world.” He said, a bit hopeful. He never expected to hear such a question from her, and he wasn’t sure on what outcome this would lead to. Claire fixed her gaze on the floor, sighed and said, “Then you are the happiest man. I love you, Lorenz.” Feeling utterly happy for the fate that had befallen him, he hugged her tightly, his face lighting up like a child. I’ve never seen him that happy, she thought. Yet that moment, that moment he had his arms on her, she didn’t feel quite so sure anymore that she wanted this. He wanted her—badly—but she wanted only happiness, and she wasn’t sure where she would find it.
Yet she was scared to ruin the moment. She was scared of hurting Lorenz for he knew he depended on her. Months passed, and they spent most of their time in coupled bliss. They spent hours on the phone, they spent lunches together, and walked along hand in hand. Lorenz felt he was in heaven, that finally the world turned itself according to his favor. He had been scared that he would never again see the light of day after some broken relationships but Claire saved him, and brought him to a world that conspired for them only, and nothing, nothing he knows of would ever go in the way. Or so he thought.
“Claire, you make me happy.” He said to her one evening, when they were under the light of the bright moon. “I could’ve never imagines this feeling you gave. Promise me you wont ever take that away from me.” Lorenz hated the thought of Claire having to leave, and take away the wonderful thing she gave Lorenz. And so he was going to make sure that Claire, never does, and make her fall in love with him every single day. His happiness depended on me. That’s the saddest burden of all. What had I gotten myself into? She began to think. Being with Lorenz made her days fun and carefree, he made her laugh but for her, that was all there is to be. She needed magic to fall in love. Lorenz didn’t have that.
“Claire, tell me you wont go.” He prodded on further. “Promise me you’ll stay.”
But I don’t want to hurt him. “Yes, Lorenz I promise.” She said, her heart battling, unsure of her answer.
Claire sat in her room crying. Six months had gone by and she still felt unsure of her feelings, and guilty that she was leading Lorenz on. She wanted to come out and tell the truth but every time she tried, she’d be haunted by Lorenz’ happy face and smiling eyes,
and before she knows it, she’ll be lost again—and devastated. But those unsure months must have an end, and the end came as the eighth month of coupled bliss approached. Reproachful and dazed at the things she was about to say, she met up with Lorenz at the Seasons Café, the place they first met. Lorenz was already there when she arrived, and her heart was shattered at the thought that he didn’t know he came here to have his heart broken. But she couldn’t let everything go on—not when she didn’t have enough courage to love him the way he loved her.
“Lorenz, I..I came here to call the whole thing off.” She said, as fast as she could to get everything over with. Lorenz stared in open-mouthed ardor, and for a while, Claire thought she saw his face fall, but was replaced by an inanimate aura of confusion mixed with hesitation. “But Claire, I thought what we had was wonderful…” he began, and decided he couldn’t continue. He cried, tears falling from his eyes. Then finally without another look at her, he stood up, and went away crying for the longest time.
It took Lorenz the most of two years to get over her. He had to do it, though he admits it wasn’t easy. The only happiness he found was in her. That was before, though, he learned that things change, and when they do you have to prepare yourself for it. When you feel love for the first time, it doesn’t mean that it would be the last time you’d ever feel it. Its just there to teach you joys, pains, and hurts. He had emerged from a weary state, and had regarded his past as just that—the past. He didn’t blame Claire, he thanked her for she gave him still a gift no one else had before. For once in his life, she made him complete. And that was all he ever needed to make her the part of his life that time could never erase.
“Hey…” someone said behind him, interrupting his thoughts. It had been two years since they broke up, and here she was standing as if they’d met for the first time. But inside, they knew they’d known each other for a brief eternity.
“Hey, Claire.” He said, and gestured her to sit down. It felt nice seeing her again. Claire took a spot beside him on the soft grass on that breezy afternoon. She said she was visiting the neighborhood and had to come by. It has been so long since he had last laid eyes on her, yet she was still as beautiful as she had been.
“Lorenz, I know everything is over and done,” she began. “But I just want to say sorry for doing what I did…to you. I never ever meant to hurt you.”
“I know,” he said, not seeming to know where the words came from. “Its okay, Claire. I understand. I actually want to thank you.”
“Thank me? For what?”
“You taught me things love can only teach.” He said, then smiled. He smiles so magically, she thought. He really did make a good boyfriend, if only she had loved him enough. “Like what?” she asked.
“When you love, you shouldn’t waste anything, not any moment of it.” He started. “If anything, it was worth taking the risk. You’ll get hurt, but at least for one moment in time, your life became complete. Thanks, Claire, for teaching me the meaning of love.”
He looked at her, the last strings of his love for her tugging the bottom of his heart. He held her hand for a moment, then let it go, along with the hurts and pains he went through. He was ready. Claire, stopped for a moment, sighed and said, “I’m sorry I had to make you learn that way. But I had to somehow show you that your happiness does not only depend on me, it has to come within. And when you’ve realized that, that’s when you’ll know you are complete.”
She started to speak again, this time repeating words she had uttered before, “I’m sorry Lorenz that I had to make you learn painfully.”
Sitting there in the soft grass, on a breezy afternoon, with the girl who gave him the greatest gift so far in his life, he hugged her and said softly, “Its okay, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”